Resolution Reversal

In 2009 and 2010, I made some resolutions.  I skipped resolutions entirely in 2011, I think.  (If I did make some, I can’t find the link, and I’m pretty sure I bombed miserably with them, so what’s the point of searching?)

In both years, (and probably last year, too), I resolved to:

1) Yell less;

2) Write more;

3) Eat less chocolate;

4) Drink more wine.

Things, *coughs*, didn’t work out that way.  If anything, I:

1) Yelled more, louder, and probably earned myself a reputation in the neighborhood as the “other screaming banshee”.  (The first being Mrs. Trashington next door.  Hey, maybe the neighbors thought it was her!  Let’s hope so.)

2) Wrote less last year than in previous years;

3) Ate my weight in Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups between Halloween and today;

4) Stopped drinking wine, started drinking beer, then stopped that because I’d rather eat my calories than drink them.

It hit me last night that I’ve been doing this all wrong.

I need to apply some reverse psychology to my resolutions.  Apparently, in order for me to have any degree of success, I have to go in the completely opposite direction.

If I fail at what I’ve said I’ll do, then I’ll succeed at what I really should be doing.  Right?

(Just go with it.  Please.  Suspension of disbelief – like all the time travel theories in the Back to the Future films.)

Therefore, in 2012, I hereby resolve to:

1) Yell like a crazed lunatic as often as possible for any minor transgression my children might make;

2) Stop writing altogether; (failed already!  WOOT!)

3) Eat chocolate 5 times a day;

4) Buy my favorite wines and let them live untouched in my fridge.

By the same reverse reasoning, I should also resolve to:

1) Do fewer activities with my children;

2) Gain 50 pounds;

3) Use the fitness equipment in the basement as clothing racks;

4) Let my craft supplies gather dust; and

5) Never take a family vacation.

2012 should be a banner year.  Or not.  I think. (Marty? Doc? A little help here?)

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